Cross-cultural marriage: Lasting love across national boundaries

Translated by Sho Huang and Angel Pu

As Taiwan internationalizes and its people become more closely connected to an ever-shrinking world, it is inevitable that cross-cultural romances will continue to become increasingly common. In Taichung, mixed Taiwan-foreign couples can be found everywhere, dating, getting married, raising children together and, sometimes, running businesses together. While every marriage has its challenges, the following couples share a bit about how they crossed national/cultural boundaries to find love, including some positive aspects they have discovered about "CCR" (cross-cultural relationships).

Prakash (Nepal) and Lucy Lin (Taiwan)
Married: 1 year

Prakash was running a travel agency in Nepal when Lucy first contacted him online to request travel information. After she visited Nepal, they fell in love and decided to get married. They then moved to Taiwan, where Prakash got to experience and learn about the local culture, festivals and religious ceremonies. Although there have inevitably been many differences between them, including religious beliefs, they've learned to embrace these. Their marriage has allowed them to live in two countries and gain a deeper understanding of local cultures, and they're glad that their future children will have the opportunity to broaden their horizons and learn to be open-minded. Lucy enjoys the respect and space that her husband has given her, something often overlooked in traditional Taiwanese relationships, and stresses that a key element in a relationship is putting oneself in the other person's shoes. --By Uvia Chang

Ben Bartlett (Canada) and Monica Chang (Taiwan)
Married: 4 years

This couple met by chance at a Taiwan-Panama Olympic qualifier baseball game when Monica bumped Ben with her balloon cheering device and caught his attention. He spent the next few months chasing her with the help of a close friend and coworker of Monica, who would tell Ben where she would be going. He would then show up alone, pretending to be there by chance. "The best thing about a cross-cultural relationship is that your eyes are opened to differences in thinking and you learn to accept different opinions, which helps to better understand and deal with people. You are less likely to stereotype or pass judgement as you truly see people from a new perspective," says Ben, who now runs BeMo's restaurant with his wife. Monica adds that the greatest part about a cross-cultural relationship is gaining a completely different family, as well as learning so many new things about life that she may not have learned from her own culture. --By Douglas Habecker

Zhang Hongwei (Taiwan) and Olga (Uzbekistan)
Married: 10 years

After meeting in Thailand and falling madly in love, this couple decided to live together in Taiwan. Now a mother of two, Olga says that their marriage has been great and that they are still sweet to each other like newlyweds. Her husband notes that cross-cultural marriage has motivated him to understand the culture of another country and exotic cuisine as well. Olga is a wonderful cook so they decided to open up Oh, My God Russian Restaurant. For every Chinese New Year eve dinner, unlike the standard fare, their family enjoys authentic Russian dishes. Olga says that one advantage of a cross-cultural marriage occurs during arguments, explaining that because of their different cultures and languages, she's tried to exercise more discretion with words that might make things worse, reducing the chance that hurtful words are exchanged. In this case, a language barrier is a plus. --By Uvia Chang

Pineiro Clement (France) and Lisa Huang (Taiwan)
Married: 2 years

Clement and Lisa had a mutual friend who informed him that it would be nice if he could show Lisa around when she visited France. They enjoyed their time walking around Paris, getting to know each other, and stayed in contact (via MSN) after Lisa returned home. Later, she decided go back to France for studies (and for him, too, Clement says) and their romance blossomed. Clement says that he wanted someone very different from him, which Lisa is, as she has a "very pure way of life". Their thinking about many subjects is also very different, leading to funny moments and, occasionally, "little fights". "I love freedom and I can have a bad temper, so most of the time Taiwanese boys hardly can take it," laughs Lisa. By contrast, she feels Western men in general prefer that their girlfriends/wives have their own lives and opinions and think for themselves. --By Douglas Habecker

Chris H. (Netherlands) and Wolf Chang (Taiwan)
Married: 2 years

Chris and Wolf met in the famed musician and artist hangout, the Sugar Factory, in Taitung county's Dulan township and today are famous for their their business making very tasty Belgian Waffles. Chris commented that "Not so stressful, more 'man man lai' (Chinese for 'take it easy'), here. The people here are not the same, they are more frank, not so angry here in Taiwan." Wolf added "I feel I have become more independant. The two countries different cultures allows me to hear more, learn more and to see a much wider world." --By Courtney Donovan Smith

Adam (England) and Xiaoyu (Taiwan)
Married: 2 months

These two first met in the UK and stayed in touch via Facebook. After previous, other relationships ended, they started dating and quickly realized that they'd found Mr. and Ms. Right. Adam has enjoyed a variety of comical experiences/encounters in Taiwan. With Xiaoyu's local expertise, he was able to understand some "odd" local practices, such as the Taiwanese love of making a "peace sign" with their middle and index fingers when being photographed--a gesture that is an obscene gesture when turned backwards in the UK. Xiaoyu comments that her British mother-in-law has been very nice to her and won't let her do any housework. The fact that Adam is not a male chauvinist is also a relief. The couple is now running a British-style teashop, Soft Metal, that they have poured their love into, as can be seen in its detailed arrangements and decorations. --By Uvia Chang

Paul Davies (USA) and Sandra Huang (Taiwan)
Married: 13 years

Paul and Sandra met at a birthday party thrown by Paul for his friend, who was also Sandra's flight attendant school English teacher. He gave her his beeper number and the rest is history. Sandra noted the lifestyle differences: "If you compare the two, many Taiwanese are more traditional. All day making food with comparatively less freedom, and also less parent-in-law problems. More like being boyfriend and girlfriend." Paul also points out the gains: "Learning each other's language, learning new things every day about each other's culture. You have to pay a bit more attention to the communication; men and women have problems communicating anyway, so my communication skills have gotten much better. And the kids are awesome looking!" --By Courtney Donovan Smith

Travis Kidder (USA) and Anita Kidder (Taiwan)
Married: 9 months

These two met in the U.S. while both were studying for master's degrees. From the beginning, they seemed to have endless things to talk about, including their shared strong Christian faith, and soon began dating. He was in Kentucky and she was in Tennessee so, for six months, he drove 1,500 kilometers every other weekend to visit her. Upon first meeting Travis, Anita's father took the entire family out and tested Travis' stomach with exotic Taiwanese foods. When Travis "passed", her dad then asked everyone around the table if he should allow a foreigner to marry his daughter and they said "yes!". Travis and Anita say that the best thing about a cross-cultural relationship is sharing cultural experiences--as well as ideas about food, traditions, history, politics and religion--with family and friends, traveling to different parts of the world, and helping people see beyond cultural stereotypes. For months, her parents were concerned because Travis didn't eat much rice and brainstormed about how to feed him. Her father offered him pizza and burgers on a daily basis. A few months later, everyone realized Travis was perfectly happy eating traditional dishes without rice...and that her father loved pizza more than Travis did! --By Douglas Habecker